What have I learned this year? What are the big take-aways that changed the way I view the world I live in? What has the Lord shown me about who I was, who I am, and who he wants me to be? These are the big questions most of us ask as one year turns to the next – what worked? What did not? Where am I going? Who is with me and who is not? Who am I? I must admit that I do not have many answers. Most often this year I have felt like the feather in Forrest Gump just drifting on the wind wherever the wind blows.
This is probably due to the fact that many of the things that happened this year were based on other people’s choices that determined my actions one way or another. My wife completed Nursing school and chose where to begin her career. My employer made the decision to enforce a new academic advising model that is not one that I would have employed. My son chose a college to attend and my daughter chose to move out on her own. There were many other smaller choices made by others that had an indirect influence on my actions…or inactions. My role in all of these was not the decision maker but the encourager and supporter. It was my part to make these life-changing decisions made by others as stress free as I could. I became the steady hand of experience, trying to stay a couple moves ahead and righting the ship when waves came to blow us off course. That was my job…and it was my pleasure to do it.
Though, I have never felt so old…
This has been probably one of the most difficult transitions for me, maybe it is for all who enter this particular age category. So much of me wants to be in the thick of things as they are happening with no clear view of what is ahead and even less attention given to what is left behind. More and more I find myself detached from the chaos of the moments and looking ahead to see just how that chaos could change the intended plan. I am grateful to have a wife and children who still value my advice and sincerely appreciate my take on our lives together. It is not so at my job…my whole department is rushing head-long into disaster and the administration has made it very clear there is no changing course, dissenters will be ignored, and if we do not fall in line our positions will become “untenable”. So, I go to work every day and keep my head down and make no waves. I hate being ignored…but for whatever reasons, the Good Lord has not provided a way out yet – and this is one corner I cannot see around.
This is where I am at as 2019 rolls in. I am thankful for all that has happened this year and all that is still in process. While I do have wisdom in some areas, it is clear I still do not have all the answers and probably never will…or should. But I do know a few things: He knows the plans he has for me (us), to give us hope and a future; All things…ALL things…work together for good for those who love the Lord (and I do); Nothing can or will separate us from the love of God; I may have a plan but the Lord orders my steps…
Thank you for indulging me, I know this post has been a bit rambling. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read Micah68life in 2018…I hope you will continue to find encouragement here.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13: 12-1 NKJV