Just Hold On

There are just some things that we will never understand; at least not in this fragile life here on earth. I will never understand why my dad was taken away when I was 12 and I will never understand the mix of emotions it caused inside of me and those around me. I will never understand why, as a young pastor, I was ‘let go’ and sent away like a scapegoat, feeling like the sins of the flock were being carted away on my back as I left. I’ll never understand why my mom had to suffer through being widowed twice and then spend the last 9 years of her life slipping away into the arms of Alzheimer’s.  Why the lung cancer in 2005? Why the move to lower Michigan in 2008 and the next 5 years spent as a stay-at-home dad?  Why….? I also will never understand why my soul longs for friendship and camaraderie and brotherhood, yet often finds walls and mistrust and angst. I will never understand…

We all go through struggles and difficult times; some deep and dark, and many that take a long time to work through. I have had my share and I’m sure there are more ahead for me. In our frailness we rarely understand these times and we begin to lose hope and doubt that our faith is strong enough to get us through. Rich Mullins had it right when he wrote the song “We are not as strong as we think we are”. The fact is, we have all fallen away at one time or another to one degree or another. Some may hide it better than others but bravado is not bravery. We have all been like Thomas, needing to not just see the wounds but touch the scars…but still finding it difficult to believe. And we have all been like Peter eagerly stepping out onto the crashing waves only to find ourselves sinking in a whirlpool of fear and confusion. Sometimes all we can do is say over and over again, “I know you’re there…I know you’re working…please hurry.”

When belief is gone and despair is crushing and faith is all but lost, even when we can’t muster the strength to cry out, there will still be a Hand reaching out to save us. There will still be a scar to touch and One who understands all the whys. He has always been there for me in those times…He’ll be there for you too, just hold on.

 

 

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