Turning Pages

“Turning, turning, turning through the years…minutes into hours, hours into years…” This lyric from Les Miserables has been gnawing at me for some time. It was just after the last fight was lost at the barricades and the women were cleaning up the debris, remembering what was lost, trying to find hope to hold on to for the future.

There are similar sentiments in the book of Ecclesiastes…all is futile, a chasing after the wind. Change comes and goes, and no one knows where or how and all ask if anything ever be “normal” again. Time ticks off each moment as we struggle to see around the corner, so we can make our plans to be better off than we are in the here and now. It has taken me quite some time to realize there is nothing I can do to make things happen in the way I want them to or hold back the turning of the pages of life…all is in His hands and it is my choice to surrender now and follow His leading…or surrender later and…

A page is turning in my life and the life of my family. It probably began just over a year ago when my mom passed away after a 9-year battle with Alzheimer’s. Since that day it seems all hell has broken loose leaving my wife and I running from one crisis to another with little time to process what is happening. This is part of why I am back to writing. Shortly after mom died I went through a bit of a funk where I did not want to share anything with anyone. I was tired of feelings and emotions, tired of hugs and sympathies and people who did not know what to do or say, just doing and saying nothing. I shut down my blog This Sojourner’s Path, quit writing all together, put the book I’d been puttering away at on the shelf and went silent…in many ways. Staying internal meant safety, security, not having to be anything for anyone. I’ve spent many months screaming inside, “what about me???”, but no one can hear when you close yourself off.  But someone was listening…always has been…always will be…and He has heard me. Funny thing is, His response has been, “what about…me?

I have been a fool. All my focus on what is happening around me, thinking it is all happening to me, believing that there is no way through or around or over the mountains in my way, had left me deaf to the still small voice I heard so very clearly on an aircraft carrier in Lake Michigan once, “What do you see?”  The answer now, as it was back then, was, “You are here…only you.” And the realization once again that He is the answer to every question ever asked, every struggle too difficult, every mountain too steep, every soul still wandering.

So, a page is turning. This blog is an attempt to get back to a simpler way of looking at life through the lens of Micah 6:8, “And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” (NKJV) An attempt to remind myself and others that we are nothing without our loving God and all he really asks of us is to do right by those he brings into our lives, to be as merciful and forgiving as He has been to us, and to walk with Him…

One thought on “Turning Pages

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  1. Wonderful post! Our lives mirror one another in so many ways. Glad you started following my blog which led me to yours. Micah 6:8 just happens to be my favorite verse! Take care.

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